So then, what did you do? I flushed it. You flushed it. I flushed it. … Ah. … And what about the giant sign that said “no foreign objects?” I checked. … “Made in America” – right there on the label. Read more →

Death Note

I was reading this article… Apparently, radiation emitted by galaxies fuels the growth of supermassive black holes which, in time, consume entire solar systems. Wow. Woah. I know, right? … It’s like – is there anything Samsung can’t ruin? Read more →

Switched At Birth

So, what is this Switch thing about? The Switch? It’s just a long thin piece of hickory. Stamped on it, in red letters, is the word “Nintendo”. You apply a little oil to it – to keep it supple – and then take turns lashing one another with it, over and over and over. … Mmm. … It’ll probably do… Read more →

Gray Matter

What’s this “Fifty Shades” flick about? Achromatopsia? What’s this “Fifty Shades” flick about? Welding fume exposure? What’s this “Fifty Shades” flick about? Bolesław Prus? It’ll– –be– –so– –good– –to– –see– –something– –with– –a– –real– –story! I– –just– –know– –it’s– –going– –to– –be– –great! Read more →

Bernie Bros

What’s with all the sweatpants lately? Henny-Penny – sweetie – you have no idea what I’ve done to myself. There was a jar. There was a pot. There was some hot water. Henny – under these sweatpants is a puffy, throbbing abomination. Okay. No need to brag. Read more →