Fit Ness

New pants. Christmas gift? Old pants. My other ones don’t fit anymore. Even though I’ve been using that app. Well, you did eat an entire plate of cookies on Saturday. No. That’s not it. … Google’s products are a sham. Read more →

Rush Job

Do you think we could crowdfund some money and hire some of those Russian hackers to fuck up Trump’s websites and businesses? Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Easy there. I know you’re angry, but let’s not do anything rash. I think, before you do anything, you should think about whether hiring Russian hackers is really the best idea. I mean,… Read more →

Closed Captioning

A: Always. B: Be. C: Closing. Always – be – closing. Always be closing. You want coffee? Hmm? You want soda? Hmm? Coffee’s for closers. Soda’s for closers. Closers – only. You think I’m fucking with you? Hmm? I’m not fucking with you. Close. Either that – or hit the bricks! … Wow. I let the heat out, for what, ten… Read more →

H.O.F. Status

Visited my aunt in Seneca Falls last week. Went to the National Women’s Hall of Fame. You been there? Well! No Irene Cara. No Laura Dean. No Antonia Franceschi. It’s a disgrace. … Sally Ride’s in there. Mae Jemison. Eileen Collins. … I mean, they should be inducted somewhere, but… Read more →

Beaten-Up

Do you think we’ll ever be as famous as Kate Beaton? Oh. I don’t know. I mean, Kate Beaton is smart, and funny, and so, so, so talented. Mmm. Yeah. … Do you think we’ll ever be as famous as Scott Adams? Henny – if there’s any justice – someday he’ll be as famous as us. Read more →