Month: March 2013

This was such a good idea! Thirty bucks each and we look just like Kara and Dualla! Dualla? I don’t know. She’s sort of petite – and you’re sort of an amazon. Yeah? Well – you have a smelly face! … I’m sorry. That’s not true. Your face smells lovely. Read more →

I watched all day on Saturday. I was really enjoying it to start, but I’m well into season three now and it’s slowly degraded into vampire smut. That’s too bad. Yeah. I know. I was hoping to diversify my viewing habits. Read more →

The guy was walking me through the different options and kept on repeating “our members”. Also, there was a poster on the wall behind him with the owner or CEO or something with the caption “every day I’m inspired by our members”. I pretty much just sat there giggling the whole time. The guy thought I was nuts. “Our staff… Read more →

It was such a good deal. Like, two fifty for a car for nine days? How can they even make any money that way? Uh? Hot-wire? Hot-wire. Hot-wire-hot-wire-hot-wire-hot-wire-hot-wire-hot-wire-hot-wire! There must be – uh – something – uh – to it? Read more →

… Red! You’ve got to help me! I’ve got a horrible kink in my neck. Your neck is kinky? What should I do? Spank it a little? Ugh! Massage my neck, dummy! This is nearly as good. I’m tickling your funny bone. Read more →

I shot eighty-three! That’s pretty flippin’ good, right? Whatever. I shot eighty-five. That’s okay, but in golf the lower score is better. Uh? Golf? Read more →

Ayo, that picture you took of Carly is, like, the best one of her I’ve ever seen. She makes faces, so when I went to pick her up I sent her a text and snapped her with the telephoto lens as she was walking from her apartment. Woah. Creeper shit. That’s nothing. You should see the ones I got of… Read more →