Category: Comics

What can I say – sometimes you just have to take a stand. … Wait. Did you steal Justin’s laptop stand? What did I just say? Read more →

Read anything good lately? Not really. … Actually, there was pretty good New York Times piece on the potential of spillover from China. Oh, yeah? … Always use a plate or a saucer. You can never be too careful. Read more →

You talk a big game, but… Wait. Cecil. A moment of silence in respect. Uh… Shush now. Shush your little face. Read more →

He wanted to buy one, but the names were all so emasculatin’. There’s no “Ram” or “Titan”. Plus, givin’ a fudge ain’t cool. Right. Anyway, he got a “Spark”. Guess he thought that sounded cool. … His car’s named after a women’s basketball team. Woah. … Can I tell him? … Please? Read more →

Despite what it sounds like, “congenital” has nothing to do with your little soldier. Oh. Okay. I’m good then. Read more →

I think he might be my favorite mixed martial artist. The correct term is “multiracial”. I really expected more from you. Read more →

Oolong is okay, but I prefer black teas. Umm? You are what you eat? Read more →

I think I need a Wet-Nap. This takes me right back to our grade school slumber parties. Read more →

If there was any justice, he’d be dead right now. That’s a little strong, but, if it makes you feel any better, he smells awful. It’s not enough! They really shouldn’t call them pickle “spears”. Read more →

“Elective” surgery. That’s what they call it. But then, even if I opt for surgery, there’s the risk of incarceration. See? Now here I would vote for Trump. Read more →

What are y’all doing this weekend? Nothing too crazy. Three Stooges marathon. I see. I see. Who’s running with you guys? Read more →

Booster Juice? What is that? A combination of stem cell therapy and urophagia? It’s Canadian. They’re a sick, twisted bunch. A sick, twisted bunch. Read more →

It’s a tragic story. Kassandra could see the future but could do nothing to prevent it. True. … Kabob too, I guess. Read more →

… Sandra’s gone? You were in there a really long time. Restroom, Henny. Restroom. … Don’t ask where I laid my head. Read more →

Karen O? She added the “o” to stir up compassion for some implied financial plight. I really don’t thi– Did you buy her album? … Right. Read more →

Eventually I got tired of all the handholding and coddling, told him my contact information was in the footer, and hung-up. But… that site… has… infinite scrolling… … Anyway. I haven’t heard back yet. Read more →

You guys? We’re thinking of putting in parquet floors. I don’t want to meddle, but that doesn’t sound practical or healthy. Real milk or not. Read more →

A joint account? Things are getting serious! I know, right? It’s exciting, I’m just not sure I still smoke enough to justify it. Uh… Read more →

The Brozek formula. The Siri formula. Pinch tests. All that junk. Women just have more fat on ’em. It’s natural. Do you want to do a pinch test right now? Are you pointing out the fact that I’m fatter than you? I know I’m fatter than you. Oh. I don’t care about that… Read more →

It’s not an actual lake of mead. You know that right? Yes. Thanks. I’m not an idiot. … You lied to me. Read more →

I mean, sure, I considered getting into brand marketing, but there’s that constant smell of burning flesh. You know. You do something too much – you lose your love for it. … Read more →