Category: Comics

Are you going to come root for us tomorrow? Watch a half marathon? I’ve seen people run before. It’s not exciting unless bulls are chasing them. Lucky for you, I own a Taurus. Read more →

Annie… you’re not the smartest girl… and you’re not the prettiest girl… … But? No “but”. Just trying to keep you humble. Read more →

Well, there’s that saying, you know? “He’s a lover, not a fighter.” Right. Exactly. That’s why I’m going to find myself a Swiss guy. Read more →

So… what y’all been talkin’ about while I was gone? The microbiome. Uh… I… It’s the— No, wait. Wait. Let’s see what he’s going to say. Aww… come on, y’all. I’m not some kind of idiot. My mom has a coffee table book about wartime homes. … I skimmed it. Read more →

I put all my money on California Chrome. All of it. Wow! Actually, I bought some Google stock too. Right. Right. Google. Read more →

If you could name yourself after any framework or programming lang— Bigwig! Falcon! Powerhouse! Cocoa Touch! Cocoa – Touch! Ah-huh-ah-huh-ah-huh-ah-huh-ah-huh… HyperTalk? Ah-huh-ah-huh-ah-huh-good-ah-huh-ah-huh-ah-huh-one-ah-huh… Read more →

He’s been doing a lot of gardening. What if you get him an X Hose? Nah. I don’t think so. He’s already got plenty of those walkin’ around. Read more →

She’s actually thinking of getting her a geography tutor. Really? I’d recommend a Prindiville Electric Hummer. No. Wait. Let’s not play this game. Read more →

  I got a Dyson. Top of the line model. DC66. I’ve never seen my apartment so clean. Really? My Dyson T-1000 leaves an awful, awful mess. … Awful. Read more →

So, instead of jotting down your private thoughts in a diary or on little scraps of paper, you upload it to the servers of a monolithic corporation who picks apart the information and uses it to market to you? Yes. And it’s searchable! Uh… Which of the two Google guys do you like better? Miles Dyson or Arnim Zola? Read more →

I said I had too many notes sitting around and she told me I should “put it all in Google Keep”. What exactly is a “Google Keep”? I bet Google stole the design from the Normans just like they stole Oracle’s coffee thingamajig. Read more →

Did you see that thing in Rhode Island? What? No. A bunch of circus performers were hanging from their hair when some rigging gave out and sent them falling thirty feet. Wow! Intense! Well, yeah. It certainly started there. Read more →

It’s a pretty interesting paper. Are CAT bonds a form of insurance or a financial product? The holders make no promise to assume additional risk. The product is more freely transferable than insurance. What’s more, CATs can’t be bifurcated, which, they feel, further supports that they’re a financial instrument rather than insurance. What is she even saying? I don’t know.… Read more →

I’ve been using Pantene Daily Moisture Renewal. It’s been a couple of months now, but I’m less than satisfied. Huh. … So then you’re still – umm – experiencing “personal dryness”? Read more →

… Hey! Hey! Hey! Uh? Hey! Hey! Hey? It’s… It’s… … Uh… Read more →

I mean, I love pulled pork and all… but that’s a hell of a way to die. Read more →

What’s this “Black Camel” they’re taking us to? They’re supposed to be the best in their area. They’ve been making pulled pork sandwiches for about ten years. Nice. Should be tender by now. Read more →

What do you think? Can I pull this off? Wow! Yes! Would you? … That’s good! That’s good! Real slowly like that. Very sexy. Read more →

What do you think? Can I pull this off? Yes. Please do. Please-please-please. Henny, it’s not a wig. Wow. Then I’ll have to help. Read more →

You have Under Armour stuff, right? Yup. Pretty happy with it too. My chainmail chafes way less now. Read more →

I love John Candy. Yeah. Me too. … … I know it isn’t hygienic – but free sweeties are free sweeties. Read more →