Category: Comics

They served them flipper pie. Can you believe that? … Sandy? Sorry… what? I said “flipper pie”. The trick is to grease the pan so that you never have to do that. I’m trying to express myself and you’re not even listening. … Sandy? I hear you. I’ll just warn you now that that’ll take a lot of postage. Read more →

I’ve been mullin’ it over a bit and think I’m going to get a Dell. I support you completely, but you should keep that yourself. You know – so that when she goes missing the cops don’t come looking for you. Read more →

I liked Sporty the best. Yeah? For me it was Baby to start, but then I switched to Ginger. I just started thinking about her name. “Baby Spice”. What, exactly, is she condoning? Read more →

Chris Pratt is the best! The best! Yeah, for sure, right? The trick, I think, is to cook ’em slow and use lots of basil. Read more →

You know what I’m sayin’ right? Sometimes you just need to appreciate what’s in front of you. Okay… but not in public, alright? Okay. Fair enough. Read more →

Do you think Tata Motors will go out of business one day? I’ve been practicing my overblown English accent. Read more →

Their anniversary. Yeah. Grosses me out when my mom dresses sexy for my dad. You wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. Ah. Yeah. True enough. Uh… I love when my mom dresses sexy for my dad. … Read more →

Old Navy had some good stuff, but I love Baby Gap. That’s good – ’cause I don’t think we’re going to be closin’ in on India any time soon. Read more →

The plane is always crammed, but it’s only three hours and they serve free booze, so I usually just drink and play Reaper or Juice Cubes. Careful. Thin air and all that. Don’t worry. I couldn’t afford one so I got a Nexus. Read more →

I’m not really one to try that kind of stuff, but the side effects sounded sort of fun. It’s just over-the-counter though, right? Uh… … Nope… but it’s here somewhere. You sure you didn’t take it already? Read more →

Ayo… we’re probably going to see this Jim Breuer thing in October. You want to come? Really? This craft beer stuff is getting out of hand. Read more →

That’s a horrible impression. You don’t really do any impressions, so who are you to judge? Really? Come on. I do a killer impression of James Frain. Who? You know… Tudors. A coupé? I don’t think so. Winnebago? Easy. Read more →

What you playin’? … Cat… what you playin’? … Cat… I’m going to do unspeakable things to you. Horrible, vile things. … Silence implies consent. … … Huh? Read more →

Ayo, what’s this part even mean? What the heck’s a “antimatter stream” anyway? I think it’s clear enough. In the year 2350, bald-headed Frenchmen will command galaxy-class starships powered by gossip blogs. … Yo… the future is amazing. Read more →

It’s an evening class I’m taking on horticulture. Just rent Pretty Woman. It’ll tell you everything you need to know. Read more →

You’re doing what now? Attending a class on flower cultivation. Ah. Got you. … Wink-wink? Nudge-nudge? Read more →

… … What is it, exactly, that we’re watching here? It’s a documentary on Canada’s majestic northern loons. … It looks like an SCTV best of. Yeah? What did I just say? Read more →

Hey, Missy – you’re so fine – you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey, Missy! Poom-poom-poom! Hey, Missy! Poom-poom-poom! It’s “Mickey”. Is it? You know what? I watched “Stick It” two times today. Yeah? Well then you’re going to love what’s about to happen. Read more →

You went shopping without me? Umm… I’ve never seen those jeans before. Ah. Yeah. Got ’em last week. They’re Hurleys. Makes sense. They fit well, for once. Uh? Thank you? Welcome, welcome. … He’s done well for himself since Lost. Read more →

What is she doing her thesis on? It’s some sort of study on diversity in chordates. Is that anything like placentophagy? The smoothies are good. … I hear. Read more →

She’s the best, isn’t she? She is! I love how she’s always calling me “hun”. Me too! Granted, we haven’t accomplished as much as Attila and Bleda yet, but it’s still very flattering. They both died before fifty, so there’s still lots of time. … You’re Bleda. Read more →