CABRASH

Hmm. That’s a smart looking shirt. Thanks! I’m fairly certain Ada Yonath has the same one. Read more →

You know what song is awesome? “Dreaming” by Twerps. What? No. I’m supposed to… Young Montana’s remix of “Animal”. Umm… “The Merry Barracks” by… What the heck, girl? Wait… wait… umm… I’m not familiar with that one. Read more →

I can get away with a lot. All I have to do is give her them puppy dog eyes and she’s mine. Hmm. So then, does she, like, make a soup out of them or something? Uh… Read more →

Which one do you want me to put in the meat sauce? Liver or ground chicken? Ground chicken? Trick question. The “ground chicken” is chicken that I found on the ground. Uh… backsies? Read more →

It was awesome. We went camping, ate falafel, and swam in the Dead Sea. You could have done all that here and saved a couple thousand. Sorry, but there’s no Dead Sea here. No? Give it time. Read more →

What’s up? Nothing much. Just slowly being crushed by the weight of the world. Woah! That bad? That good. Gravity. Keeps us from flying off into outer space. Read more →

Sharapova was lookin’ really good out there! Don’t you think? My god! What? It was pure slaughter! She lost in straight sets! Still… she looked really good. Read more →

Yeah, it was pretty messed up. Uh-huh. It’s like that scene from Doctor Zhivago. Uh… which scene is that? I don’t know. That movie’s ridiculously long. It has to be in there somewhere. Read more →

No offense, but it smells like something died in here. I, uh, put some potpourri out. Ah. That must be it. Read more →

  Movie? Yes!   I call the recliner! I call the sofa! I call… umm…   The toilet?   Eventually, one of you will want to switch. Read more →

Check this out! Awesome-joke-awesome-joke-awesome joke! Okay… so… a blonde, a brunette and a redhead… okay? … … Read more →

Cheese ice cream! Who knew? Then again, I can’t remember the last time I had ice cream I didn’t like. I’d probably like any kind of ice cream you could give me. Yeah? What about doody and kaka ice cream? Umm, no. Pee-pee and wee-wee ice cream? No. Okay. So then don’t say crazy stuff then. Read more →

Yo! What kind of jeans are those? Guess. Uh? Lee’s? No. Guess. … Dish? No… Guess. … Umm… this game is friggin’ hard. Read more →

… Hey! Hey! My mom got us shakes! Oh! Cool! … Umm… where are they? This shirt? It used to be white! Read more →

We are “Ben” and “Hen”. Did you ever notice that before? Not really. No. But I did notice, once, that we’re “Hen” and “Ben”. Umm… My greatest virtue is my modesty. Read more →

I don’t mean to be gross, but he’s getting older now, so the doctor has him on a special diet to insure he has regular bowel movements. Like cabbage and bran cereal and beans and stuff. What do you think, Annie? Maybe I should try that diet. You could. Yeah. I mean, it’s no big deal, but mine are all… Read more →

What exactly is it that we’re playing here? This? This is “Dragon Ball Z: Budokai”. It’s a game about a kung-fu expert slash super-powered astro-monkey who must defend the universe from power-hungry androids and space aliens alike. Ah. I see. Mmm-hmm. It’s based on a true story. Read more →

So how was work? Oh, you know. Another day another dollar. Yeah. Me too. … We should renegotiate our salaries. Read more →

Ayo… this game is so violent. Yup. Darlin’? Yup. If you had to kill me… how would you do it? I’m pretty sure I’d strangle you. Wow. You answered so quickly. I figure that strangling you would show I had strong feelings for you… one way or the other. Aww… Aya? Yeah? I would strangle you too. Read more →

I don’t really like that sayin’. Really? What’s wrong with it? If a dude is your brother from another mother it sort of implies our dad is the common link. So then only one of our pops is legitimate. I think you’re analysing this too much. Ah. So then… you think it’s fine… right? Mmm-hmm. Must have got that from… Read more →

 So… what’s up? Things haven’t been going well at work. They had to let me go yesterday. God! That’s horrible! Really? No… but I’ve been practicing lying a lot. … I think I’m getting really good at it! Read more →