CABRASH

She studies protein structures. Ah. That’s a job? Yup. Wow. So then, she could maybe explain this whole One Direction thing to me? Read more →

I agree. Santa’s got to be black. All those chimneys and all that soot. Read more →

It was summer so, worst case scenario, they would have just slept out in the woods. If it was the winter though… Whatever. The brightest star is the North Star, so I would just use that. Right. Sirius. The North Star. So you’d be fine. Read more →

It was a easy fix. Just replaced the glass run channels and now they’re workin’ fine again. Cool. Where are the channels from? The brand? Not sure who the manufacturer is but they’re EPDM. Huh. Rappers seem to put their names on anything now. Read more →

I’m impressed you went on your own. It’s actually a nice shirt – and actually fits. Yup! I done good. … Is it non-iron? Yeah. Pretty sure. Cotton. I think. Read more →

Well… it’s getting late. I guess it’s time to hit the sack. Damn. I guess I’ve become too predictable. Read more →

What does he do? He’s a psychiatrist. Ah. Cool. Yeah… but I feel like he’s analyzing me when he looks into my baby blues. Ah. … So… postpartum depression. I didn’t even know you got knocked up. Read more →

I got them a monitor. Not the one on the registry. A fancy one with a video camera. Nice! I got them some baby bottles and a swaddling blanket. Ah. Not sure I like that. Annie, did you know that scientific studies say that swaddling, when done incorrectly, can cause hip problems in adulthood? Wow. So then – your parents… Read more →

Then Saul goes, “I understand public hangings are back in vogue”. The guy goes deadly silent. Sounds pretty cool. … I’m kind of into tapestries too. Read more →

So, as it turns out, these two teachers had been cooking the books for years. Years? Wow. That’s ridiculous. … Hitler’s guys worked much faster. Read more →

… … … So racist. Read more →

So then, you and I are Wiccans? Yeah. I think so. I mean, we own all this dri-fit clothing, don’t we? Read more →

Lot of planning yet – but it’s going to happen in August of next year. Pretty exciting stuff. After all this time, you’re finally going to make an honest woman out of her. Woah, now! I’m just going to marry the girl. I’m not – like – some sort of miracle worker. Read more →

I’m so sick of blind dates. Aww. Yeah. I can understand that. … What if we crossed some sort of a hawk with a Medjool? Can they do that now? Read more →

So you’re, like, some sort of weird skeleton or… I’m a necromancer. Ah. So then – umm – what sort of depraved neck stuff are you into? Read more →

I’ve been seriously considering organ donation. That’s good. I’m tired of listening to “Don’t Stop Believing” over and over again. Okay – go again – but this time say “tissue donation”. I’ve got a real doozy lined up. … Read more →

… … So you’re just… staring at static. Really? I thought it was a Fritz Lang marathon. Read more →

So what you been doin’, Henny? I’m preparing a letter. Does the ICZN have any pull when it comes to animals’ informal names? Uh… I want them to rename Arctic Char. I just feel like, the way we’re headed, we’re going to need that term for something else. Read more →

I hear Gravity is really good. Yeah. It is. Sandra Bullock’s in it, right? What? No. Yeah. I’m pretty sure. What? For real? But – I’ve been – like – sprayin’ myself with that stuff for years. Read more →

So you got him a Retro Duo? That’s cool. I just hope he likes it. Whatever. The gift is for the giver. Mmm. Do I have to wait to give it to him or can I just start using it now? Read more →

I don’t get it. He dumped her, but he’s been sitting around moping all day every day. You never miss the water till the well runs dry. Uh – I don’t think it’s that. She’s still young, so I think – like – all her bits were still working and that. Read more →