Author: Sandra Bareilles

How many “Lovers’ Leaps” are there, exactly? I don’t know. AllI can say is that Bakula’s on NCIS now. Read more →

I met her in gym class in high school. She used to be wild on the beam. Ah. Okay. Two year chip? Five year chip? Just tell me. I won’t say anything. Read more →

So the baby just gets put in a box? A cardboard box. … It’s best to be specific. Read more →

Apparently it got pretty bad. Demonstrations. Rioting. Looting. That’s sad. … What with the demonstrations and rioting – you probably couldn’t even hear the luting. Read more →

I actually ate a taco right before I came. Oh. … TMI, by the way. Read more →

What’d you see yesterday with Amy? Christmas With Gumby. Uh… … What’d you see? We wanted to see Star Wars, but it was full, so we saw Arrival. Sorry. Star Wars. We saw Star Wars. My mistake. Read more →

Sic semper tyrannis. What’s that mean? Death to despots. Ah. … So then, you don’t like that ficus I got you for your office? Read more →

It cost me six hundred dollars. What would make you think to throw it? Just answer “yes” or “no”. Airplane mode was on, right? Read more →

It’s Moon Unit Zappa’s birthday today. Should we sing “Valley Girl” in her honor? Sure. And get valley girl tans? Sure. And dye our hair blonde? Sure. And make lots of insipid comments? Sure. And obsess over our self-image. Sure. And parade about town spending daddy’s money? Sure. … (“Donald Trump” by Gage Skidmore is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. Cropped.) Read more →

I’m not really sure what’s wrong with it. CPU, maybe? Mmm. Maybe. … I do hold it right under my face, and it is ragweed season. Read more →

This whole “anchor baby” thing is terrible. Yeah. I know. The whole thing is ridiculous. … I mean, you could use almost anything… Read more →

You should really meet him. He’s got gumption. I’ll tell you that much. Mmm. If there’s any truth to the movie, he’s going to be fast as hell when them braces come off. Read more →

You ever listen to the way your mum pronounces Minnesota? Pretty sure the Coca-Cola folks have gotten to her. Read more →

What’d you do last night? Watched a documentary on the Argentine Civil Wars. Ah. I bet “Devil’s Backbone” sounded awesome in Spanish. Read more →

She gave up pizza? … Why would she do that? For Lent. Ah. … So, then, she gets it back later, in, like, whatever condition. Not so bad. Read more →

So then, you pay twice as much and get access to about half as much music. They can peddle it as “buy one get one half off”. Only, it’s the same “one”. Read more →

Who was the girl in the picture in your presentation? Nobody. I just downloaded the image off iStock. Ah. Never heard of it. … There’s some creepy, creepy apps out there. Read more →

I’m getting rid of all my carpets. All of them. Putting hardwood in. You’re sure that’ll help with your allergy issues? Yeah. At least according to these articles I’ve been reading by the Mayo Clinic. Ah. … I’m pretty sure those guys are just shills for the Hellmann’s company. Uh, I don’t think they’re associated with Hellmann’s. Oh, come on now.… Read more →

We’ll see what comes of it, but I’m betting that, ultimately, it will be fruitless. Like the Kyoto Accord. Ah. I always thought those were made by Honda. Read more →

I’ve been doing a lot of push-ups lately. Is that really necessary? I guess that Victoria girl’s got to make her money. Read more →

What can I say – sometimes you just have to take a stand. … Wait. Did you steal Justin’s laptop stand? What did I just say? Read more →